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because at such times I heard much of my Cre
-ators having become a Child, & suffer'd & died for
me. The Holy Ghost indeed soon made it clear to
me, that by nature I was a bad Child, & showed
me my Selflove, Pride &c: but this proved no
disturbance to my Childlike Confidence towards
God. I often prayed to him to take me to him-
-self, <emotion>being afraid of losing that happy feeling</emotion>, &
forfeiting my happiness when I grew older: & <emotion>at
such times I felt remarkably well: but as I
grew in years, my deep depravity manifested
itself more & more:</emotion> I came more into company
the world flattened me, and every body thought
me very good, till at length I began to be pleas-
-ed with myself, & accommodate myself to others,
in order to gain their favor, by which the good
understanding between me & my dear Savior
was interrupted: nevertheless this inclination
to enjoy the world <emotion>was accompanied with con-
-stant </emotion><sic><emotion>anixety</emotion></sic><emotion>  </emotion><corr><emotion>anxiety</emotion></corr><emotion> of heart</emotion>, my thought accusing
& excusing one another: an hundred times I
promised to be converted & to grow better, & was
as often obliged to own, that I was not able to
effect it. Thus <emotion>I spent several years in an un
-happy condition</emotion>, & if my faithful Sav<hi rend="superscript">r</hi>. had not