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19.
the deceitfulness of sin, and the depravity of
my corrupt nature; Unless some special
mark of divine favor and acceptance should
be vouchsafed unto me, which I had hitherto
not obtained. I had heard of children of God
who had been favored with extraordinary manifes=
=tations of our Lords presence to the eyes of their
mind, and of their being assured of the forgive=
=ness of their sins, in so <sic>powerfull</sic> <corr>powerful</corr> a manner,
as to preclude, from that hour all doubt upon
the subject. I had often prayed that such experience
might be mine, and now it appeared so need=
<sic>=full</sic>  <corr>=ful</corr> to me, that I was convinced I ought not to
rest satisfied, till I had obtained it. But the
Lords ways are not our ways. nor His thoughts
our thoughts! I was seeking great things for
my self on which I might depend, and forgot
that my strength lay only in looking daily
unto Jesus, and that by relying upon Him a=
=lone I could be preserved. It pleased our Sa=
=vior to convince me of my error, in this respect,
by means of a discourse to the congregation,
treating of our Lords various leadings with
his children, and how their faith was often put
to the test, as in the case of the Woman of Canaan.
When she besought Him to heal her daughter.
Her humility and faith struck me, as being re=
=corded for my imitation, and seemed to point
out exactly that, wherein I was wanting. <emotion>I
felt conscious, that the smallest crumb of grace
was more than I deserved,</emotion> and yet much had
been given unto me. That I had no right to