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and as my poor Heart, notwithstanding its Corruption was always
soften'd and my Eyes swam in Tears whenever I read of Jesus Suffring
for the Sins of the World, I felt the same Emotion at reading these Hymns
and had a desire to hear more of these people, and this I obtain'd
by means of my dear deceased Uncle <sic>Councellor</sic> <persname><corr>Counselor</corr> Engelbach</persname> who
was in <sic>Connexion</sic> <corr>Connection</corr> with the Brn: I intreated him to send a Br.
to me and in the year <date>1749</date> Old <persname>Brother Gold</persname> came at My Request
to my House on his Journey <sic>thro</sic> <corr>through</corr> Our City. This Simple Country
Man was a great Blessing to me. He look'd cheerful and happy, that
I was not, and myself made confidence in Jesus <sic>Merrits</sic> <corr>Merits</corr> would not
stand the Test, nor quiet the uneasiness of my heart. After this
the Brn: freqeuntly calld to see me and when they was gone my
Conclusion was I am not like them, I do not know our Saviour.
I wept and pray'd and conferr'd with my Colleague <persname>Pastor Reinold</persname> but
receiv'd poor comfort, often I stretch'd myself in the Dust and
beg'd our Saviour to look graciously on me, but in the Midst
of my groans and Lamentations <add>it was</add> as <sic>tho</sic> <corr>though</corr> a Voice within me said
arise, you are not in Earnest, If I give you Honour, and leave you
in your High Life, then I may be your Saviour of choice, but it
would not suit you to forgo all things for my sake, so as I have
for your sake. I felt the Truth of this Reproach, and must be
Silent. Mean time the uneasiness of my Soul still increas'd
I began to mourn and lament again, but as it <sic>allways</sic> <corr>always</corr> turns
out Fruitless; the Enemy put it in my Mind that I was a
cast away, our Saviour neither would, nor could be Merciful
to such a sinner. This went so far that I was actually be=
=tween Atheism and Desperation. I could no longer Pray
but wherever I turn'd cried out: Oh Jesu Oh Jesu! The <date>26</date><hi rend="superscript"><date>th</date></hi><date>
of October 1744</date> when my distress seemd to be at the highest
Pitch, I was reading the French News Paper, and all at once
I was struck with these words which seemd as <sic>tho</sic> <corr>though</corr> they was
spoke in my heart: canst thou read that, and hast no
Saviour
This
[page break]
This shock'd me so, that I let the Paper fall out of my Hands and
fell after it to the Earth. I had no utterance for words, but wept
for Mercy, and gave myself <sic>intirely</sic> <corr>entirely</corr> up to our Saviour without
the least limitation, that with me he might do, whats pleasing
in his sight, and from me take <sic>whatere</sic> <corr>whatever</corr> he will, <sic>whatere</sic> <corr>whatever</corr> he
thinks not right. To me it was as <sic>tho</sic> <corr>though</corr> I then receiv'd permission
to kiss the Prints of the Nails in his sacred Feet! I felt a Di=
=vine assurance of the forgiveness of my Sins, and <add>the</add> covenant I then
made, is still sure and firm, my heart is no longer mine, but His.
I shall not say much of what follow'd this change. The want of
a true poor Sinner heart often caus'd me to commit great failings.
The Awaken'd Souls keeping to me, Brought on <add>me</add> the displeasure of the
School Master, My Colleague, the Mayor of the City and all the Mages=
=tracy of the Lutheran Side, One Honest <sic>Councellor</sic> <corr>Counselor</corr> excepted. The
Process at <placename>Strassburg</placename> <persname>D.</persname><hi rend="superscript"><persname>r</persname></hi><persname> Froereisen</persname> would have me turn'd out of my
Office by the Civil Magistrates, and so it went on, till the year <date>1748</date>.
Mean time our Saviour gave me more <sic>oppertunitys</sic> <corr>opportunities</corr> of becoming acquainted
with the Brn: and in the year <date>1747</date> I made a 12 days visit at
<placename>Herrnhaag</placename> to my great Blessing. I was soon convinced that I be=
=longed to this People, but how, or when, my dear Saviour would
bring me thither, that I did not dare to Consider on, this I knew;
it must <sic>thro</sic> <corr>through</corr> a Miracle, otherwise it could not come to Pass. After
this Blessed Visitation, the Enemy grew more <sic>inraged</sic> <corr>engraged</corr>, and I became
a detestation to the whole City except the Awakend Souls; but my
heart was <sic>chearful</sic> <corr>cheerful</corr> and happy, I supplicated and obtain'd of my
dear Lord a Promise, which was a great Consolation to me. In <date>Au=
=gust 1749</date> my dear Wife took to her Bed, and in this her last Ill=
=ness she felt she was a wretched Sinner, begd for Mercy and openly
confess'd she had sought the World more than our Saviour, and
fell asleep with this fervent wish: Shelter my Soul most gra=
=ciously within thy open'd Side; In the 36 year of her age.
As
