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39.
to my own hurt and detriment. At length
in the latter part of this memorable year <date>1792.</date>
one evening when we were alone, she expressed
great concern on my account, adding, that my
conduct was so strange, there must be some
hidden cause which I would not disclose even to
her, by which she was deprived of sharing the
burthen with me, as she had often done before.
This was a stroke I could not evade. <emotion>But felt
the remark in all its force.</emotion> At last I owned 
that my distress was great, but to burthen 
her with it, was useless: no mortal could
help me, and though I sought the Lord, He
hid his face from me. She replied, You do not
seek Him aright, you want to be helped in
your own way; but are not willing to submit
to His way: This is the only cause of your
present misery. I could only reply, you
little know how thankful I should be to find
deliverance in any way. Her answer was, You
would soon obtain it, if you cease from all self
working, and cast your self, as a poor perish=
=ing sinner at the feet of Jesus, where none
can perish. Upon this we retired to rest.
My friends conversation <sic>rivetted</sic>  <corr>riveted</corr> itself in
my breast: the first of it, <emotion>wounded me deeply,
but the latter clause sunk into my heart.
It began to soften, I cried out in the anguish</emotion>