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caused me to carry my reasoning so far, as 
to think that what I had enjoy'd of the
love of Jesus in my heart was merely the
effect of fancy surely said I if it was re
ality; how is it possible that I am now so
heaged in on every Side, and cannot see my
one beam of hope; one ray of light, to com
fort my poor afflicted mind. I often
repeated that verse:
If I love, why am I thus!
Why this dark, dejected frame!
Hardly sure, can they be worse
Who have never heard thy name.
I thus went on for some months, not know
ing which way to turn, and to the Lord
I had no access; like the children of <placename>Is
rael</placename>, I often look'd back; and wish'd
I had never Known <placename>Fairfield</placename>, nor the
B<hi rend="superscript">rn</hi> Cong<hi rend="superscript">n</hi>. In this distress'd situation
of heart, I frequently visited my Labo
ress who always <sic>incouraged</sic>  <corr>encouraged</corr> me to turn
to our Savior with all my sin & misery
and that in his own good time He would
help me thro' the many difficulties I
had now to struggle with, it appeard
to me impossible ever to get help from