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8.
obtain my wish, having previously felt such
a powerful conviction that this people was
indeed my people, and their God, my God.
But my hopes were disappointed, which I
could not at that time understand, and even
preseumed to wonder at others being prefer=
=red before me. But wonder shortly ceased:
The vileness of my nature appeared to me a suf=
=ficient reason, why my request should
not be granted, till a change should take
place. I often thought. - Oh that I could find
a person whose case was, or had been si=
=milar to my own: what a <sic>releif</sic>  <corr>relief</corr> would
it be to unbosom my self to such an one;
and to hear how they found help. Then the idea,
but, "there are no such," was continually re=
=curring to my mind: "it is in vain to think
about it." But, perhaps the Lord requires 
it of me, and such a disclosure is necessa=
=ry to promote the future welfare of my soul.
<gap></gap>This was a just conclusion, could I have
ventured to abide by it; but the time was
not yet come. <gap></gap>After many months had