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[??] as a fit of undeserved grace. I
begged him to preserve me in this frame
of spirit, and to grant me Care[?] thoughts
of myself at all times, seeing that h
poor needy sinners he was so gracious.
In this disposition my days passed
happily away, until my innate de-
pravity began to awaken within me.
Hitherto I had often acknowledged
myself a sinful creature, but now
I felt that from the heart proceed
wil thoughts, and sorely was I tor-
mented with un-christianlike
thoughts, so that I had no rest day
nor night. To disclose my trouble to
others, would I thought inevitably
deprive me of their good opinion;
my confidence in my Saviour also
vanished, and I knew not how to
bear myself for distress of mered[?]. In
this pitiable condition, I shut my-
self up in a room alone - it was a
sacrament-day <date>Dec 24 1785</date>, threw
myself at my Saviour's feet and
                                            begged