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8.
obtain my wish, having previously <emotion>felt such
a powerful conviction that this people was
indeed my people</emotion>, and their God, my God.
But <emotion>my hopes were disappointed</emotion>, which I
could not at that time understand, and even
presumed to wonder at others being prefer=
=red before me. But wonder shortly ceased:
The vileness of my nature appeared to me a suf=
=ficient reason, why my request should
not be granted, till a change should take
place. I often thought. - Oh that I could find
a person whose case was, or had been si=
=milar to my own: <emotion>what a </emotion><sic><emotion>releif</emotion></sic><emotion>  </emotion><corr><emotion>relief</emotion></corr><emotion> would
it be to unbosom my self to such an one</emotion>;
and to hear how they found help. Then the idea,
but, "there are no such," was continually re=
=curring to my mind: "it is in vain to think
about it." But, perhaps the Lord requires 
it of me, and such a disclosure is necessa=
=ry to promote the future welfare of my soul.
<gap></gap>This was a just conclusion, could I have
ventured to abide by it; but the time was
not yet come. After many months had
elapsed in this way, I at last resolved
entirely to give up what I had so long
and so ardently desired, being persuad=
=ed that I could not obtain such a favor till