Moravian Lives

38.
spirits, that I thought the Almighty had set a mark
upon me, as He did upon Cain, and that
whoever should attentively observe my coun=
=tenance would discover too much of what passed
within. Indeed, so completely did I feel in the
enemys power, and so harrassed  harassed by his vile
insinuations, that I thought it must be hurt=
=ful to those about me, which made me exceed=
=ingly concerned for the young people with
whom I lived, and I resolved more than once
or twice to ask to leave them again, but the
fear of being desired to explain my self on the
subject, deterred me; for I studiously avoided
imparting my gloomy state of mind to any one,
and wished to bear the burthen alone. The
greatest releif  relief I found was by writing verses
occasionly, and pouring out my distress be=
=fore the Lord as well as I was able: and
at such times I was favored with gleams of
hope and comfort, but they quickly vanished.
I went to the meetings more for the sake of ex=
=ample, than from a desire to attend them, but
it was not always done in vain. It will be sup=
=posed the friend with whom I lived was much
concerned for me, and made many efforts to
draw from me a free disclosure of what op=
=pressed me in such an unusual way; but
I shunned enquiries as much as possible, to