Moravian Lives

37.
reflecting mind, would be sufficient warning
to avoid the same snare. But I completely
followed their example. I turned aside to exam=
=ine what was too wonderful for me, and to
pluck flowers which I had no business so much 
as to touch; but I wandered on, presuming to
scrutinize into the ways of God with his crea=
=ture man, and to think his dealings unequal
and unjust. His leadings with me, vile worm,
I saw quite in a new light, and thought my-
=self hardly dealt with; while others were more
favored, both as to spirituals, and temporals.
Pride, unbelief, and hardness of heart now
took place in me to an alarming degree: I lost
all confidence in God my Saviour. His dying
love, His meritorious life, bitter sufferings,
and all atoning death, were no longer the
theme that engaged my affections. and melted
my heart, but instead thereof, a train of thought
occupied my mind which I dare not name,
and which the grand enemy of my soul only
could have suggested to me. No wonder that
I fell into the pit where there is no water;
where clouds and darkness overwhelmed me:
darkness that might indeed be felt. I fancied
my self forsaken of God, and rejected by man;
insomuch that I strove to shun society as much
as I could; for such gloom rested upon my spirit,