Moravian Lives

4.
so proceeded. But alas! the depravity of
my nature soon began to marr my peace:
I found the childlike confidence in the Lord,
which I had hitherto enjoyed gradually dimin=
=ish, and cold indifference take place; or at other 
times my mind was harassed by unbeleiving  unbelieving
doubts and fears. I durst not disclose my
situation of mind, being impressed with the
idea, that there was not such another being
in the whole creation of God! and that if
the wickedness of my heart was discovered
by those around me, I should no longer be
suffer'd to remain with the people of the Lord.
O how many anxious hours might I have
been spared could I have opened my mind to
some experienced friend, who would have giv=
=en me proper advice, and directed me to the
fountain which is opened for sin, and unclean=
=ess  =ness. This uneasiness of mind took place be=
=fore I was 12 years of age, and continued 
a long time. About a year after this I
grew sickly, and had much bodily pain and
weakness to struggle with, which with anx=
=iety of mind, was at times almost insupport=
=able; but the latter I endeavoured to conceal
as much as possible. I often tried to make
my self better, and resolved to begin anew;