Moravian Lives

This own Conscience and no one taking to the Busyness  Business I sold of with
great loss - so that when I had paid the legacy I had but 250
Pounds left - 200 of which would have been theirs if I had maried  married again
I returnd to Bristol; and now the Holy Spirit labourd to convince
me that the cause of all my Sufferings was that I had left my first
Love often aplying  applying the words which had been said the Church of old
But I still went on in a self righteous way for several years - -
At last the Lord turned and lookt upon me just as he did upon
Peter - - this look struck me to the heart I shed numberless tears for
my Care ingratitude I think it a great mercy being a person of Strong
Pasion  Passion I did not attempt my own life, for now; thought I had sinnd
against the Holy Ghost, of course could never be forgiven, [??] acquaintance
Being my distress took me often to hear preaching - - but I could find no rest for the
sole of my foot - - once she askt me to go to the Moravian Chappel  Chapel saying there
was a fine man there - having never heard of these people before I said what
are they - & dont know she said but I never heard the name of Jesus repeated
so often in my life - tho was just what I wanted - - but I would not go till
Easter Sunday - Br. Worthingtons text was the Lord is risen indeed
and hath appeard unto Simon - this was the first time I heard the pu[??]
Gospel preached - that full free salvation which I had felt in my own
heart formerly - my own case was described in that of Peter and a tall pardon
was held out to me in the Suffering and Death of my Dear Savr which were
painted in the most beautiful colours to my poor distressed heart - I attended
the preaching constantly till Jan 1783 and always with blising[?] but at
times my distress returned - and hearing Br W was going to leave the city I went
to buy a hymn Book he askt me several questions, in particular - if I lovd our
Lord Jesus Christ - this I could only answer with tears - next day I was as it were
compeld to go to him and open all my heart - his Wife was present he gave me
true Consolation in Christ Jesus and came to see me . . I felt such a union of Spirit
with these dear people that I could not rest till I asked then if it was
posible  possible such a vice creature could be receivd into the congregation: they said it
I desivd it ,: might be receivd into the Society - by way of preparation - in time
our Sav.r might receive me into his congregation describing it in a beautifull  beautiful light
I was recivd on the 9 of March and went to live with Br and Sis Mineard
soon after visited an old acquaintance - she was sadly afraid I should be sent
to a Widows house which she said was 300 miles distant - and intreated me to
be on my guard - this was news to having never heard there was such as house
she left the room - I saw in the window a piece of an old himn  hymn, with these 
lines which I never saw before nor since - Where thou determinst my abody
Cover there my choice shall be . for in thy presence death is life. And earth
is heaven with thee - I was sure this was the spot my Sav.r designed for me - -
when I went home our people said the place was calld Fulneck and gave me
an excellent Character of Sis.r Stedman I longd to be under her case believing
she would be a Mother to me - - this impression was removed to me when I read
the Brethrens history - I simply asked our Sav.r if I should write for Recepto
into the Cong.n or speak about the Choir house first. I felt him near my heart
and was directed to write and then to speak about Tulneck - - he also gave
me the power to do it - which I could not before tho I had attempted it
many times. Br. Sulger wrote to Br LaTrobe who came soon after and
gave me great encouragement . . the 13 of Nov.br following the opacious
Head and Colder of his Church, Receivd me into his Congregation
with a blesed  blessed feeling of His Presence
                                                                              Mary Startton