Moravian Lives

from actual pollution, I felt at those times as tho I was in
the Presence of some Awfull  Awful Being who would not suffer him
to touch me -  My Br. being very ill of a Fever I was sent for
He was quite sencless  senseless and died the next day - at his Decease
two thirds of the Estate fell to the City for want of renewing 
the lives - part of the remainder I sold to pay his debt tho he was
not quite of ??? Age - at this time I grew very thoughtfull  thoughtful leaving
my Br. was lost and that I should be so two ... to pass it of I went
to London from thence to Southampton and various other places but
the uneasyness  uneasiness of my heart followed me everywhere ... I grew sick
and tired of the World and of every thing I used to delight in
I returnd to Bristol for soon all my Gay companions went to
??? live by myself and was resolvd to try if there was any
happiness to be found in Religion - went constantly to Church &
I kept a School for children for my Support as I had but one small
House left which brought me in but 4 Pounds a year. the remainder
I had spent.. and now my whole life was painted before my eyes -
every fault I had commited  committed in the strongest colours .. my outward
affairs seemd very bad, as my School did not answer my expectation
But that text came strongly into my mind - Seek ye first the
kingdom of God and his Righteousness and all these things shall
be added into you - I was now effectually Awakend from the sleep
of Death seeing myself a poor last undone creature without a Sav.r
what brought me to the brink of Despair was I felt what I had
been ashamd of had despisd and even hated the Lord Jesus
who had bought me with his Blood - how then could I love
to appear at his Judgment seat, and he might call me hence in
a moment - - these words at times gave me a ray of hope - - - 
the Wages of Sin is death. But the gift of God is Eternal Life
thro Jesus Christ our Lord - but my distress returnd again
with a greater force - one day as I was in my Appartment  Apartment
quite alone in such Anguish of mind as no words can express - -
it came into my mind. Believe of the Lord Jesus Christ
and thou shalt be saved  _ I cried out, Lord what is believing
O save one save me - - at that moment Our Sav.r stood before
my heart in his Crucified form. I fell at his feet - - and when
I arose found all my load of guilt was gone. I could now believe
and not till now that Jesus Christ was God overall Blessed
for evermore and my Sav.r - - my Soul was full of Life, Light
and Love - - the Scriptures of truth which before was seald up
was now open to my viens  veins . . and wondered at my former blindness
When I read the Sufferings of our Sav.r my heart burnd with love
to Him, and thought I could suffer the most cruel Death
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