Moravian Lives

4
-mity, & intolerable hardness of my heart. My imaginary
Sincerity, upon which I had laid a great stress, began
to totter. I went on in the bitterness of my Soul, finding
that I had neither will nor power to draw near to the
Lord Jesus. - - - While I was in this horrible condition,
knowing myself to be destitute of faith, & believing it
impossible ever to attain to it, looking upon myself as
abandoned to destruction; the good Shepherd pursuing
his lost sheep, let me know that none could ever
have obtained the gift of Faith, if this love & mercy had
not extended to unbelievers; He having concluded all in
unbelief, that he might have mercy upon all. ----- This
removed my dark despair, & I was no longer as one
without hope. I had frequently very happy sensations
but very fluctuous. -- -- -- A Religious person who
had a great regard for me solicited me wth great importu-
-nity to become his partner for life: I could not give my
consent: however I was strongly attatched to him. It
happen'd on a day, when I was sitting alone in my room,
that the Lord spoke as powerfully to my heart as if I
had heard His voice with my outward ears; saying, "Give
up that person, or give me up." --- --- --- I answered, Lord,
I would give him up, but of myself I have no ability,