Moravian Lives

many things made great impression on me, yet I constantly turnd to myself
workings, which prevented my attaining to true and lasting Rest.
I became daily more sensible that I fell short in all things, and that
my self working was for nothing, and had no one to complain to, or to
ask advice of in the place where I dwelt. My Husbands last illness
was a fever, some Hours before his departure being exceeding weak and
low, he lay quite still without speaking a Word; but with such a Devou

Nien as tho  though he was meditating on something of the greatest Impor=

=tance. All at once he lift up his Hands and cry'd aloud: Thy Cross shall
be my Staff in Life &ca. which verse he repeated thrice. I soon per=
=cievd these words would Possibly be his last, and so they was, and he
departed shortly after. This made a great Impression on me then, nor
to this Hour have I lost it. As soon as my dear Brother Augustine
Schulz (Bohemian preacher at Berlin) had heard I was a widdow  widow
he desired me to send my 2 Sons to him, he would take care of them.
This was very agreeable to me, and I came with my 3 Children to Ber=
=lin in January 1738. I presently enquired  inquired of my Brother for the
Best Teachers; whose Ministry might be the greatest Blessing to my
Heart, He told me of 2 yet says he: There is a Count in Berlin
whose discourses would exactly suit you, and shew'd me the
House where the Disciple used to keep Meetings. I came thither
the first time, when none but the Family was assembled, and the
Disciple spoke on the Words: The least shall be as David.
In this Discourse he treated on the subject of the true Sinnership
and Sanctification proceeding from the Suffrings and blood shed
=ding of Jesus, and that so clear & convincing; and with so much
impression on my heart, that I was allmost  almost dissolv'd in Tears, &
heartily rejoiced to hear that which I had been so long in search
off  of. How fortunate where it for me, had I then had proper
care taken of me! but the Disciple and the rest of the Brn: and
Sisters soon left Berlin, notwithstanding which, my heart was all=
ways  always greatly Affected, when the Brn: now and then came to see my
Brother, for which reason I often wish'd to see Herrnhuth, and resolv'd
when I return'd to Breslau to call at Herrnhuth in my way. I staid  stayed
some years at Berlin, but at length could hold it out no longer
and talk'd with my Brother about it, He advised me against the
Journey for several Reasons, and beg'd me to search my heart
                                                                                             wether  whether

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wether  whether my desire to leave Berlin, did not proceed from self will, or wether  whether
it was from our Saviour. I answerd from self will it cannot proceed, be=
=cause I am fearful of returning to Breslau, and have no manner of Incli=
=nation to it, particularly on account of my 2 youngest Children. Some
weeks after he ask'd me, how I was disposed in regard to my Journey.?
I answer'd it was so to me that I should go; well then said he, go in
Gods Name! and tho  though at present you know not for what reason, you
will know hereafter. I therefore prepar'd for my Journey, and agreed
with a Coachman to bring me to Breslau, but that he should stop
at Herrnhuth, and arrived here with my 2 Children the 9th of
August 1742. It was something strange, that notwithstanding I had
agreed with the Coachman beforehand, yet he waked me at 5 o Clock
the next morning and told me He would not wait for me. My Baggage
was likewise all sat down out of the Coach, without my knowing for
what reason. I could not immagine  imagine how this should come to pass, and
was in some concern; till a Sister coming to me, & told me I might
soon meet with an Oppertunity  Opportunity to go from hence to Selecia. I mention
this Circumstance, because it prov'd the means of my staying here,
and mine and my Childrens lasting blessing, and thro  through this Circumstance
my bleeding Redeemers Gracious Intentions with us was accomplish'd
I should be too tedious was I to Relate how powerfully my heart was
laid hold on in the first days of my Abode here, will only Mention
that on the 16th of September in the first Meeting, this Verse being
sung: Jesus Christ look upon thee Redeem'd Congregation, thou
art his because that he, purchas'd thy Salvation. the impression
it made on my heart is greater than I can express. To be short,
I saw for the first time, that all my good works was rather a hin=
drance to me, than a furtherance, so that our Saviour had thereby
been prevented from making me so happy as He would otherwise have
done. From henceforward a peculiar Labour of the Holy Ghost was
began in my heart; and I was really concern'd to get a thorough
Knowledge of myself. The fall of the year aproaching  approaching, Br. Martin
Dober ask'd me how long I thought of continuing here? My answer
was I shall stay here this Winter. When the first Cong.n Day was
                                                                                               keept  kept