Moravian Lives

at times great Uneasiness which press'd Tears from my Eyes. My
Faithful Saviour followed me and brought me now and then to
beg for Mercy and that He would would work a change in me
comming  coming one time out of a very bad Company I was ask'd if
I had not been very Merry? My distress was so great that I could
not return an Answer, just then 2 Children came before the
window and sung: Where is Jesus my beloved and my Friends a
My heart and Eyes presently overflow'd and I hastend to my Apart
=ment to give my tears vent and felt unspeakably happy
I went on some time in that Sensation but not being quite free
from the World I sufferd myself to be sometimes drawn away
which brought into a State of Indifferency. Yet our Saviour
did not leave me, but made me so restless that I can say 
of a truth I felt Hellish Anguish as all my past Sins pre=
=sented themselves before my Eyes. In this state I thought
I will be patient and let my God do with me as it shall please
him and should I perish before he has Mercy on Me. Then
our dear Saviour convinced me that true saving Faith in
him was wanting. In the greatest concern hereat I went to Bed.
It was to me as tho I was ask'd what I would have? Our dr.
Saviour gave me Faith in his bleeding Merrits, and pardoned
me all my Sins. My great Distress was over, my Burthren was
removed it was as tho' I was born anew and quite freed from
the World. In this Happy Situation I continued some time
and was quite another Man so that my whole Neighbour
=hood wonder'd thereover. I would fain have told all Men
what I injoy'd  enjoy'd and went too far in that Respect, came into
Self workings and dryness. In this Situation I became acquain
=ted with Brn, who told me of grace in the Blood of Jesus.

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I soon conceiv'd a great Love for them, all they said was yea and
amen to me, and I thought if there is Children of God in the World
these are such. From them I first heard of the Congregation
and it ways directly made out to my heart: I belong to that People.
The 12th. of June 1754 I went to Herrnhuth in Company with
2, Others; and the 17th. came to dwell in the Choir House
as I had been ruined in the World both Soul and Body, It
was my greatest concern Now to become wholly our Saviours
Property He likewise display'd his power on my Heart. The
15th. of December the same Year, I was receiv'd into the Congn. 
which was an unspeakable Blessing to me. I had happy
days for some time, but came off from that happy Sensation
and my Natural high Spirit brought me into a confused Situ=
=ation. When the Holy Spirit would lead me as a Sinner to
Christ, I labour'd against it, and would fain have made my
=self better than I was which was a trouble to our Saviour
and my Brn: who were often in concern on my Account.
The first of November 1755 I partook the Lord Supper the
first time with the Congn. and I felt my soul and Body
Penetrated there with, every time I have partaken this great
Good our dr. Saviour has been unspeakably near my heart
in his Martyr'd form. Yet the true Sinnership was wanting
still, My Misfortune was that I look'd more at my own
wretchedness than to our dr. Saviour, which Several times
caused me to stay from the Communion. Yea it came so far
that I sufferrd  sufferd myself to be tempted by Sin, for which cause I was
shut out from the Communion, but our faithful Saviour gave
me an Open heart, so that I could apear  appear before my Labourers as
I was. And now my distress being at the Heigth  Height I wept so long
before our Saviour untill  until he anew had Mercy on me and