Moravian Lives

as one that is lively and watchful. In the Year 1759 he writes:
I was very much abash'd to see so many of my Companions, so thorough
=ly chang'd for the better, and to find myself so wanting. But
since the Tears which Jesus has shed pleads for me, and will cer=
=tainly be heard, so I apeal  appeal to him, yes dearest Saviour! I entreat
thee to give me daily a sure and certain sense of my Connexion  Connection
with thy heart, and that will surely change my Nature!
On Lord Supper day the 22d of February 1760 he remarks: that from
that day forward, he dates his cure, at least that then signs of his
changing for the better, began to appear. His words are as follows:
I thought othou dearest heart, if thou wouldst this Moment take me
to thee, how gladly would I go with thee with Tears of Love & Thank=
=fulness. Now, how could I kiss thy Feet for my Grace Election, Like
Mary Magdalen; thou has forgiven me a great deal; therefore I love
thee much! The great Trouble I have had these many years
that our dear Saviour could not find me of Service to him in his
Affairs, is gone and over. I will do nothing but Love, and forget
all things besides. In the year 1761 he makes the following
Remark. Notwithstanding all the Grace which our d.r Saviour has
bestow'd on me, yet I find I am often mistrustful, and see more
and more, that I have a great deal of self Love and Pride, and
am too apt to think I am Neglected in my Choir. This dangerous
thing has been a great hurt to my heart, and Occasion'd a certain
hardness of heart, Anger and Coolness, towards many a Brother
whom I believ'd was made more off than of me. In the Year
1762 our dear B.r Testifies he had a blessed School for his heart
tho  though somewhat Painful, because at the Renewal of the Interceptors
Class, he was not admitted one of the Number. Yet his Joy was so
much the greater and bow'd him in the Dust, as he became a
member thereof on the 2.d of November 1765; and he Expresses
                                                                                                  him

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himself in these terms: It was a peculiar Blessing to me that I was
Apointed  Appointed to Coy the Cong.ns Concerns before our Saviour, and became
more and more assured of being heard. I became seriously concernd
and begd the Holy Spirit to form me a true Child of God, and a
Liturgish Brother heart, that I might be an honour to our d.r
Saviour in all my undertakings." In the year 1766 the observes
that he had earnestly intreated our d.r Saviour (notwithstanding
his bodily Weakness) to give him an Oppertunity  Opportunity (and was it
only 1 half year before his End) of telling Souls what our d.r Sav.r
had done for them. But our d.r Saviour took the Will for the 
dead and spoke his heart to peace. Our Saviour likewise sought
to bring him more into the Evangelical Sinner=Path, because
he would not allways  always appear to his Brn so as he really knew
himself to be, and because others failings was more visible to
him than was necessary, which was often a disturbance to
the true brotherly Love he might have enjoyd, yet his Conclu=
=sion was on the 19th of October the same year as follows:
I am determined to make the best use of all my hours, and see
wether  whether I can not obtain my desire of being a Joy to our Saviour;
and as we was Sensible of the reallity  reality of his atachment  attachement to our
Saviour, we could bear with patience with his weaknesses, which
was become second Nature to him, and which cost him many
Tears. Our d.r Saviour who looks only at the heart, never left
him behind, when he granted the Cong.n of his Choir, a Parti=
=cular Blessing. his Age and Increasing bodily weakness
made him believe his time here below was but short, and he
often express'd his wish: that our d.r Saviour would take him
to himself, and that Suddenly. This he repeated on the day of his
departure. Our dear Saviour made a happy preparation to this,
in February this year, when he became the first time Disciple of