Moravian Lives

to our Saviour, & I took often Resolutions to carry on
an other Life, but before I could recollect myself I
fell in my former Custom, so that I soon fell & soon
riseth again, & in this Condition I had a very heavy
Christendoom  Christendom. At last I fell in thoughts, that there must
be another Way to come to a remaining Peace & a true
enjoyment of Happiness. I beggd to dear God he himself
would leed  lead me & bring me to the right Path, then
I would't trust to discover myself to any Body; but
I could hinder that my Sister should not spy out what
I was about; & She was a awakened Person. She seekd
for a Opportunity to speak wth. me, & so I told her my
Concern. She advised me to the Brethren who lived here, &
she directly help'd me out of my Dream, but as I
mistrusted myself I desireth to go to the Congregation,
but they did't advise me to do it, but on the contrary they
made it very dificult  difficult & heavy to me, however they
disadvised me the more eager I became to pursue
my Intention; & accordingly resolved to go & came
the 3d. of March 1742 to Hhuth, & got Leave to stay.
Ao. 1742 the 3d. of March I was receivd. into the Congrgn.
& 1743. the 19 of Jan. became Partaker on our Lords
Supper. I was to inform the Children in the Anstalt
at Hhuth & afterwart  afterward went wth. some Children
from thence to Silesie  Silesia & continued as in Hhuth.
For reason of the Weakness of my Body I did a 
Journey home to see my Relations, which fell out

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very difficult, because I was at the Point to give the
Congregation the Slip, & to conform myself to the World
again. This false intented  intended Step brought me in the greatest
Uneasyness  Uneasiness & Distress of my Heart; but afterwards to a much more
Certainty of my Destination to the Congregation. I aquainted
Br. Johannes wth. my Circumstances in a Letter, & got Leave
again 1750 the in May to come to the Congregation. In
the Month of Dec: h.a. I got Absolution about all my Iniquitys  Iniquities
& from this Time went on, in a near Conexion  Connection wth. my
Savr. to as a happy Child in the Congregation. (So far his
own Intelligence.) He proceedeth his Course now Sinerlike  Sinnerlike
& happy. The Situation of his Heart did he sometimes
express in Verses for himself. The first of July he said among
the rest: Wa̎rest du nicht ein so trues Herze;
             Das so unaussprechlich liebt;
             Nehmest Du nicht Theil an allen Shmerze 
             Der ein Hertz manchmal betrübt:
             O, so wa̎rs gewiss um mich geshehen  gesehen
             und ich ha̎tte müssen untergehen
             denn in was Confussion, steckt ich armes Kind nicht shon!
                         x   x   x
             Aber so hast du dich mein erbormet
             und in meiner grösten noch
             Mich gar oft recht inniglich umarmet
             War ich gleich als wie halb tod,
             Wenn mir alle Hofnung wolt vershwinden  verschwinden
             Liesest du dein Herze mich empfinden
             Wie du gegen mich dein Kind, nach wie fur, seyst got gesinnt,